How the SGC Finally Got Technology From the Tollan
by Sparx-007
Summary: Teal'c learns to use the phone.


How the SGC Finally Got Technology From the Tollan  
  
This story is not a serious story. It was thought up by Jo-ann, Laura and I when we were in a   
hyper mood, so it's just a bit of fun. I don't own Stargate or any of the characters. I wish I did.  
  
"People. We have a small problem," General Hammond said to SG-1, who were seated at the briefing room table. "Does anyone know anything about the ton of pizzas that just showed up?"  
"Pizza? Where?" Jack demanded.  
Daniel looked at Teal'c. "Have you been on the phone again, Teal'c?" he asked.  
"Yes," Teal'c said flatly. "It is an interesting device."  
"Did you order the pizzas, Teal'c?" the general asked, starting to catch on.  
"Yes," Teal'c replied.  
"Who taught him how to use the phone?!" the general yelled angrily.  
"I did, sir," Daniel said meekly. "He's been on the phone all week."  
"Well, thanks to him we have about five hundred pizzas that need to be eaten," General Hammond said. "Any ideas?"  
"We could have a free-for-all in the mess hall, sir," Sam suggested. "And we could invite the Tok'ra. My dad would love some pizza."  
"Good idea. Get working on it," the general ordered.  
As SG-1 walked out of the room, Jack whispered in Sam's ear, "Does free-for-all include Maybourne?"  
  
Ten minutes later the mess hall was crowded with Tau'ri and Tok'ra pigging out on pizza. There were pizza boxes all over the tables and pineapple on the walls because one ambitious young lieutenant had decided to start a food fight.  
"Geez, Teal'c," Jack sighed. "When you do something you never do it halfway." He was lounging on a chair with a slice of pizza in each hand.  
"Colonel O'Neill to the gateroom," General Hammond called over the loudspeaker.  
"For crying out loud!" Jack yelled. "This had better be good!" He stormed out of the mess hall.  
  
When Jack got to the gateroom, he found General Hammond talking with Narim.  
"Sorry to disturb you, Colonel," the general said, "but Narim has an interesting offer from the Tollan."  
"The Tok'ra have informed us that you have an abundant supply of the food you call pizza," Narim said.  
"We might," Jack answered slowly.  
"We are willing to trade technology for some of this pizza," Narim said.  
"Why not? Fair trade," Jack replied.  
"It's final, then," General Hammond said. "Our pizza for your technology. Can't say it's a fair deal, though."  
"Shut up, sir," Jack hissed. "He doesn't need to know that."  
  
An hour later Jack was playing with an invisibility device and scaring the wits out of all the lieutenants. There was still a large supply of pizzas left, which had attracted a number of flies. How flies got into an underground base was a bit of a mystery. Some suspected Teal'c had invited them on the phone.  
In the mess hall, Teal'c was sitting against the wall, sulking because the general had ordered him not to touch the phone.  
Jack was on his way to get another few slices of pizza when Thor beamed down behind him.  
"Hey, Thor!" Jack called. "Take a look at our new toys!" He held up the invisibility device.  
Thor jumped to the side to avoid Daniel, who had declared war on the flies and was armed with a can of bug spray.  
"We have a large emergency," Thor started. Then he looked at Daniel, who was hopelessly outnumbered by the flies, but going down fighting.  
"Bug spray?" Thor asked, reading the label on the can.  
"Yeah. It kills bugs," Jack replied dryly.  
"It may be effective against the Replicators," Thor said. "I will trade these for a large supply of this 'bug spray'." Thor opened his hand to reveal small coloured cubes.  
"Teal'c!" Jack yelled across the room. "Get on the phone!"  
  
An hour later Thor transported back to his ship with large boxes of bug spray (courtesy of Teal'c) and Jack was playing with the little coloured cubes in the mess hall.  
"Ohhh, leggos," Daniel said as he walked past.  
"Would everybody please stop calling them leggos?" Jack demanded. "They aren't leggos. This is Bob," Jack said, holding up a green cube. "And this is Harry," he added, holding up a yellow cube in the other hand.  
Daniel raised his eyebrows and figured he'd better leave the colonel in his own little dream world.  
Sam walked past Daniel and whispered into his ear, "He still thinks they're alive, doesn't he?"  
"Yup," Daniel replied. "What are they really?"  
"They're food," Sam answered with a laugh.  
"He gonna be crushed when he figures that out," Daniel sighed.  
  
Altogether the SGC and the Tok'ra consumed 200 pizzas and the Tollan got 298. By the time the Tollan got back to their world, the pizzas were cold and they had to trade more technology for a microwave. The Asgard got two free pizzas with their supply of bug spray and now use them as frisbees.  
  
THE END 


End file.
